Jan

4

On The Edge

January 4, 2008 |

Thin lines like spider webs are the only things that

keep the thin membrane that separates my logical

mind from insanity breaking in and letting the ocean

engulf my whole being.

Forty plus years have passed since that

first moment of madness entered my world

when I was too young to know how to

close the door. Now the room is too full

and the door is broken.

Rigidity has encased my heart and

the persistent knocking of a welcome friend

long since muffled, falls

on deaf ears.

Oh, solitude is a welcome stranger I cry

but the bricks of my prison walls are

sleeping and my words cannot escape.

But wait, I see the key and it is beckoning

to me like the dancing finger on a skeleton.

The words to this poem came at a difficult time in my life when I had to pretend to be happy on the outside while my stomach performed gut churning cartwheels.The occasion was my daughter’s wedding coinciding with many disastrous events in my life. The months of wedding preparation, gown fittings, invitations, interviewing caterers and DJ’s pushed me nearer to the edge than I had ever been before. Writing this poem provided an immense relief from the cloud of despair permeating my heart. My baby girl was leaving me.

This process of grief, if you will, made me aware of the fact that our thoughts are completely bound up with emotions and because of the physical reaction created in our body such as increased heart rate, indigestion and perspiration; emotions play an important part in keeping us well or creating disorder. I physically got ill and was confined to bed after the wedding for three days. Every emotion is composed of a mental state and a nervous reaction, which produces in turn a state of mind more complex than the first.

The recommended cure for this malady is intellectual and spiritual cultivation, simpler living, and both deeper and higher thinking. Hold on to Love and let go of Fear.

About the author

Carma Dutra is a ghost author for an article in the soon to be released book “101 Great Ways to Better Health” by David Riklan. She also writes a mostly daily blog at http://carmaswindow.blogspot.com on a variety of topics using her life experiences as a mother, grandmother and plumbing contractor to clarify life’s ups and downs. She holds a bachelor’s degree in management and published her local Chamber of Commerce’s monthly newsletter for two years. In addition she wrote a monthly column for the county wide newspaper.

Carma is currently enrolled in the Institute of Children’s Literature where she is working on a story to be ready for publication next year.

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